Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
