Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize