do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
