FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
two words: eviction party
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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