If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
