I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
