Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
