he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
