Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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