She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
