god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize