Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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