last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
