You work out of a Hotel?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize