some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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