My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
