We're facebook friends in real life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How external is "for external use only"?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
