Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
