she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize