Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just tell him i said nine months
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
