there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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