my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
