Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize