she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
