OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
