Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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