Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
