Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
