Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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