So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize