i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
