I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
