I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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