My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
