Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
