you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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