dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
