We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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