A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
