This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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