He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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