we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
