I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
