Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
