Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
