i jhust puked up my retainher.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
