party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
