so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
