I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
