If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
