I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
