I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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