My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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