You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
