Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
