never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
