i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
foreskin is a definite game changer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
