there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
