Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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