He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize