You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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