My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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