just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
