Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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