how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
