I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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