Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
