everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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